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Already Dead

by Timeshares

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1.
Why can’t you see all that’s missing here? How do I frame all that’s missing here? Like Hemingway made whores poetic, Old perceptions of me prophetic of a boy who’d rather flee. Well then we agree. Please don’t think ill of me. I never claimed to know or even want exactly what to do. It seemed like the whole world was screaming “go” but you. Remember me burying all the things I’ve lost? And I ignored the cost. Saw the lines that define happiness, And a shitty drifter start thinning. Saw a world in a race to the grave, Finally found something that I’m winning. And I’ve got time to think about it. State line to state line. I wanna tell you but wait. State line to state line. Oh but wait, who’s gonna believe me now? What if I traded the years for pieces of paper to show you I could work this out even though I never do? State line to state line. If I go, would it matter much? If I stay, would you even know? And what is home anyway? What does it matter? And I’ve got time to think about it. State line to state line. I wanna tell you but wait. State line to state line. Oh but wait, I threw it all away. And I finally found something that I’m winning. And the whole world was screaming “go” but you.
2.
Tail Light 02:21
Driving away from an empty grave, Shedding a pall and it’s cold but there are pyres in my way. I hit a wall in Upstate New York. As we get older it feels like things are ripped right from us every day. I fell apart and I’m spread so far, Now there’s a wall in Upstate New York that reads; “At this moment, I strongly believe this is the only place in the whole world where I could be truly happy.” And this is the only place in the whole world. A rotted out right tail light in four inches of melted snow, Driving out of Upstate New York. It was so dark, as if I wanted it any other way. I swear it’s like things get ripped right from us every day. I fell apart and I’m spread so far. A broken heart in Upstate New York that bleeds. At this moment, I strongly believe this is the only place in the whole world where I could be truly happy. And this is the only place in the whole world.
3.
Anyone can trade good ideas for damage they think they need, Ride fences like a steed, where are they going? Like when a major city kneels down and whispers in your ear. She could say, “let’s get another beer,” and you’d think, “Don’t forget the good parts.” Don’t forget the good parts, the way we do. Anyone can take good ideas for damage they think they need, Ride fences like a steed, where are they going? Like you wearing your disappointment guised as nobility. And I’d offer empathy but its just reprehensible. Ostensibly no more than a plea for her gaze and a ploy for being bored and alone. Don’t forget the good parts. Don’t forget the good parts, the way we do. Dancing through the bad parts even when they tell me lies. Wool for both our eyes, Stumbling between South Street and the moon. And she’d say, “What are all the bad parts?” Well mostly the days that you’re not in. And there’s so fucking many. Don’t forget the good parts, the way we do.
4.
It gets me down when I think about, How every day is gonna go away, And they’re not coming back. I lay around, then I wonder how I let yesterday get so far away. It’s never coming back. They get up every morning at a quarter to eight. Sit in traffic on the highway just to show up late And make it home in time for dinner, in bed by ten. But I’d rather drop dead, Face down on the ground unexpectedly. And I’d rather drop dead, Face down with the good times pummeling me, And I’d rather drop dead than live like them. We talk about how we’re getting out And say one day that we’ll run away, And we’re not coming back. But it gets us all in a different way. They’ll drag us out when we wanna stay and never give us back. They get up every morning at a quarter to six. Drink a half a pot of coffee just to get their fix. And take a pill to fall asleep at night, and do it again. Yeah but I’d rather drop dead, Face down on the ground unexpectedly. And I’d rather drop dead, Face down with the good times pummeling me. And I’d rather drop dead than live like them. “Eric, lately I’ve been thinking a lot about time,” And it’s wearing a hole through my head. Yeah and lately I’ve been watching years go by. And I’m selling off all the days I have left that I’d rather not spend. There’s nothing left but regret and I’d rather drop dead. It gets me down when I think about, How every day is gonna go away. And they’re not coming back.
5.
Heavy Hangs 02:49
All these nights I’m feeling restless over places that I’ve been. I’m putting miles on these tires and hanging with my friends. ‘Cause every time I come into your town tonight, I’m always wary. And every time I’m strumming on this six tonight, it’s secondary To every time I say goodbye I don’t know why. I don’t know why I look back. February always felt cold and so I missed my home. Heavy hangs this wood around my neck, strengthens on my soul. ‘Cause every time I come into your town tonight, I’m always wary. And every time I’m strumming on this six tonight, it’s secondary To every time I say goodbye I don’t know why. I don’t know why I look back. It’s time that you get buried in the ruse. And I try to kneel down and make it alright. But depending how you look at me, I feel like I’m a wreck. And I try to kneel down and make it alright. But depending how you look to me...
6.
Sorry I called again, the night just seemed way too long. I’m done making sense, my drink is gone. You can count all the cigarettes I didn’t smoke, nights when I should have broke but I didn’t yet. I can fuck up anything close to me. I can get just as mad as you and handle it twice as wrong. And I get just as sad as you, end up face down on a bar top. What I’m saying is spend the night. You should spend the night. I still wear scars you left like shrines. Like black eyes. A constant reminder of all of the costs. Like black eyes. Do you ever mourn the things we’ve lost in these lives we’ve led? I’m still fucking up anything good for me. Isn’t it funny how your eyes would burn, When set on your hopes and denials? Given the years they just square on survival. It’s exhausting, it’s terrible. Spend the night. You should, spend the night and who knows? Maybe I’ll quit fucking up and turn up at your door. Drive straight through the sunrise. It’s not too late or too far. And it seems a lot, but I’ll clean it up if you say so. You’re always thinking about it. I don’t want to think anymore, rather fall all around it, just crumble. Spend the night, you should spend the night.
7.
I shut my eyes and take the curves that form the way home. I trust my hands to get me there or I’m not going home. We’ll stay wide awake in this town for one more night. I never thought that I would find myself back here again, Wandering around the same old streets. And I never thought that I would see the same old faces all again. We’ll stay wide awake in this town for one more night. You can tell me I’m going nowhere, But nowhere’s not a place you go. It’s a place you stay, trust me I know. I said I’d hang around for a few more drinks, And then I gotta go. Home sweet something like home. Walk out the door, get in the car and drive away And never come back, yeah I think I might. But we’ll stay for one more night.
8.
While she’s building her monuments to stability, I’m climbing over the great big walls to escape. Ears up for the sound of love, my arms outstretched for what I need. Not logic or precision, I need new incisions. Getting older, ceasing to be slowly. Where did all the roses go? Now I’m always lonely. And before there was time for even worse decisions we were already working on our new incisions. They could bleed out with all our doubts, our fears and malice. They could surround the work we’ve done, To keep warm and balanced. They could be a mistake. They could say they all knew. Ears up for the sound of love, hope for what it discloses, At semblance of pity for the loss of roses. One day excuse the years I spent selfish and angry. What, with eating and drinking and fucking and thinking, They’re all hollow and hazy. And before there was time for even worse decisions we were already working on our new incisions.
9.
Naive 03:32
It’s how I found my way, recreate the words you spoke, And living under your rule. And as a young man I was reserved and tolerant, Of living under your rule. But a light shines through, now I’ve grown old and the way you walk isn’t how I once was told. The rocks you built upon will shake until they’re sand. It’s in that time you learned, you spent long enough feeling so naive. And now a decade blurs with streaks of diligence, And living under your rule. But a light shines through, now I’ve grown old and the way you walk isn’t how I once was told. The rocks you built upon will shake until they’re sand. It’s in that time you learned, you spent long enough feeling so naive. The time has come to grow up.
10.
Sister 03:04
After a couple of weird years in Brooklyn, temporarily lost, Wanted to be a big sister. Sometimes the means don’t match the costs. Who could count on you to make the greatest decisions? Who knew in the future you’d learn to suture, Even the deepest incisions? Not even yours, but mine, most of the time. You’re on the other side of the wall and most nights I’m fine. And I’ve watched you through caution and peril. Like somebody hurt your cubs, watchful and feral. And I’ll call you sister if you need someone else to And you can call me anything you want. Just do. You’re gonna marry my best friend. Keep your nest safe and warm and taut. ‘Cause on his very worst nights I’ve often wondered If he and I’ve both thought: “What if I never deserved her? My great preserver.” What if I never deserved her? You’re my great preserver. And for once there’s no bad parts. There’s only love, love, love. No shitty endings, just love, love, love. And I’ll call you sister if you need someone else to. And you can call me anything you want. Just do. And when I’m not across the hall or sleeping on your floor, One day when we’re older I’m gonna call you and tell you about ours.

credits

released April 28, 2015

SideOneDummy Records

Recorded by Mike Natoli and Jon Hernandez at dickButt Studios in Suffern, NY and The Dragon's Den in Philadelphia, PA. Mixed and Mastered by Steve Sopchak at The Square Studio in Syracuse, NY. Art by Cayetano Valenzuela. Layout by Ted Casper.

Timeshares is: Jason Mosher, Eric Bedell, Mike Natoli, Jon Hernandez

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Timeshares Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

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